Sex Addiction
Sex addiction has only become recognised as a problem in the past 20 years and some people still question whether it really exists. However, since the increase in freely available pornography online, many more people are reporting problems with controlling their sexual behaviour to the point where it is negatively affecting their life. If this is you, or someone you know, then this article may help you.
There is a tendency to think that sex addiction usually refers to an addiction to internet porn, but many forms of sexual behaviour can become out of control: using chat lines; prostitution; multiple affairs or exhibitionism for example.
Some believe that the term addiction is being used as an excuse for those with high sex drives who can’t control their behaviour. You, however, have decided to explore the issue, probably because you know how devastating being addicted to sex can be. Sex addiction is a serious, life-changing condition that can not only destroy relationships, but causes pain for thousands of people.
There is a tendency to think that sex addiction usually refers to an addiction to internet porn, but many forms of sexual behaviour can become out of control: using chat lines; prostitution; multiple affairs or exhibitionism for example.
Some believe that the term addiction is being used as an excuse for those with high sex drives who can’t control their behaviour. You, however, have decided to explore the issue, probably because you know how devastating being addicted to sex can be. Sex addiction is a serious, life-changing condition that can not only destroy relationships, but causes pain for thousands of people.
Am I really addicted?
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Sex addiction can take over people's lives. Click the button on the right for a simple Sex Addiction Questionnaire, which may help you decide whether your behaviour is becoming problematic. Please note that this test is not a substitute for seeing a professional counsellor if you are worried about your sexual activities but it may be helpful in identifying possible issues.
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What is it?
- It's not having a high sex drive
- It's not just men who are addicted - woman can be too
- For addicts, it is certainly not fun
- It's not just addiction to internet porn; it could be paid-for sex, cruising, indecent exposure etc.
Causes
Experts believe the basis of sex addiction lies in trauma or attachment issues when growing up. Some therapists like myself believe that in addition to this, more and more clients are presenting because of their increased exposure to sexual imagery in early adolescence, through viewing internet porn. This documentary, featuring a number of leading experts, helps put the issue of pre and early teen use of porn into perspective.
Sexual activity in a teenager normally starts as self-sexual stimulation, often triggered by internet porn. The 'high' a teen gets when he/she has an orgasm feels good - the dopamine effect. So they masturbate again ... and again... and again, but the hit reduces each time. This is when masturbation can, for some, become a compulsion and then an uncontrollable habit. And, in turn, this inability to stop may cause poor self-belief, shame, boredom and anger with themselves and the world. This can lead to continuing and increased use of porn to relieve these feelings.
Why it is that some are affected more than others is not yet understood. Some teenagers resort to porn because they are angry, feel misunderstood or different from their peers, all of which are attachment issues. Or maybe they have been abused which can be traumatic. For others it appears to develop into a habit as a means of coping with life. Problems may then arise in relationships when they find that they can't achieve satisfaction or cannot perform sexually.
Sexual activity in a teenager normally starts as self-sexual stimulation, often triggered by internet porn. The 'high' a teen gets when he/she has an orgasm feels good - the dopamine effect. So they masturbate again ... and again... and again, but the hit reduces each time. This is when masturbation can, for some, become a compulsion and then an uncontrollable habit. And, in turn, this inability to stop may cause poor self-belief, shame, boredom and anger with themselves and the world. This can lead to continuing and increased use of porn to relieve these feelings.
Why it is that some are affected more than others is not yet understood. Some teenagers resort to porn because they are angry, feel misunderstood or different from their peers, all of which are attachment issues. Or maybe they have been abused which can be traumatic. For others it appears to develop into a habit as a means of coping with life. Problems may then arise in relationships when they find that they can't achieve satisfaction or cannot perform sexually.
Problems
There has been an increase in the number of men suffering from delayed ejaculation and cases where men cannot ejaculate inside their partner. This can be a major issue both for the man and his partner. The secrecy surrounding the addict's habits can also affect the closeness between a couple, especially when promises are broken, lies are told and behaviour seems furtive. Trust, a key element in a relationship, can be lost. Those affected can go through cycles of despair, regret, acting out fantasies and then suppressing all desires all of which can have a major effect on relationships.
Is there a cure?
If your response indicates a strong leaning towards sex addiction don't worry there is something you can do to take back control of your life. I suggest the first step is to email, call or text me on 07984 476 674 to have a confidential chat. If my office in Canary Wharf is not convenient, I can provide you with contact details for colleagues nearer to where you live or work.
TV appearances
I have carried out two interviews, one on porn addiction and the other on sex addiction for the Love Talk programme (Sky 203). You can view these on my Media page.
